Take a chill pill Mum!


Ready to wash your mouth with soap Mum?

My lovely, bright 3-year old daughter appears to have developed a very interesting concept of how to deal with common ailments since helping me take my handful of vitamins every morning.

“Mama, what’s this big pink one for.. and this orange one… and this squishy one… and these green ones?” she asks religiously each day whilst feeding me the colourful panaceas one by one. And each time I patiently explain what body parts the various remedies provide aid to: “That’s to make my bones strong… that’s to help stop me from getting colds… that’s to make my brain clever… those are to help stop me from feeling stressed…”

In her short life she’s already learnt the importance of using healthier alternatives for promoting wellbeing and happiness. That includes words that should preferably be used as better alternatives when one is upset and when one needs to release one’s frustration by means of expletive exclamation. That is, swearing.

For example, she regularly reminds me to use the expression ‘Fiddle Sticks’ instead of a less wholesome option that I sometimes involuntarily let slip – usually when compelled to do so through the observation of other peoples’ idiotic driving methods.

So you can imagine my mirth when she pointed out an unacceptable omission to me in a ‘Eureka!’ moment of realisation yesterday: “Mommy, you forgot to take a swearing pill today!”

Indeed. I think we may be on the verge of a multi-trillion dollar business.

If you’re a pharmacist, and you’d like to ditch your day job, get in touch! 🙂


Out the mouths of babes

I cannot tell a lie Mummy!

A couple of days ago my highly independent, endlessly curious daughter became really upset when I would not allow her to climb a step ladder to help me replace the verandah light bulb.

She stood in the front doorway of our house pronouncing through gulping sobs: “It’s not FAIR! It’s not fair!!! It’s not faaaaaaaaaaaair!”

After trying to ignore her for a little while, I could no longer stand the wailing, afraid that the neighbours might come rushing outside to see what inhuman punishments I was meting out to my helpless child.

But before I could utter either placation or threat, I was astounded and amused beyond measure to hear her next woeful words: “It’s not fair! Now I have to find another house!”

“Another house sweetheart? But why?” I asked, bemused.

“Because I have to find another place to live!” she tearfully explained.

As with the time she announced quite innocently and guilelessly after soundly slapping the fat roll that is my stomach: “Mommy is a fat lady!”, I had to issue a loud guffaw of astonished disbelief.

I mean, can you please tell me where children pick up these things? She is only two-and-a-half after all! What can I look forward to after another 10 years of development?